"Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear."
Lately I’ve been feeling pathetic, lazy, and even a tad
worthless. I look back on my life and according to the world’s standards I don’t
have much to say for myself. I have no diplomas, scholarships, job
opportunities, savings account or anything to show for myself…I let that get to
me and oh, what a huge mistake that was!
I have come to realize that I have something worth so much
more. I have a heart that is filled to overflowing with love. I have a memory
of her first word; I have the memory of holding back tears as she called me
“mama”, I have so many memories that I wouldn’t trade for the world. When
people ask me what I’ve been up to over the past year I simply say “I’ve been
living in Uganda” but that does not do it justice.
Over the past year I have learnt how to open my heart to the
lonely and forgotten.
I have learnt how to say goodbye even when I don’t want to.
I have learnt to let go and allow Gods will to happen.
I have learnt how to care for the child who is hard to love.
I have learnt how to hope.
I have learnt how hard it is to have those you love ripped
from you forever.
I have learnt that I do have a voice and that I can stand up
for those who can’t stand up for themselves.
Most importantly, I have learnt to trust God and let me tell
you, it’s not easy…
I struggle
I fail
I hurt
I fall to my knees in tears…
And after all of this, after all of the heartache, pain and
doubt God is there.
He lifts me up, he holds me close and whispers that all is
well.
I still have days where I feel anger towards what happened.
I still have moments where I cry, feelings of worry entering me but I no longer
let it bring me down. I now choose to hold onto that hope.
Hope, faith and trust. Those three words describe my time in
Uganda.
It’s not always easy for me to publish personal posts and
put my thoughts out here for others to read. I hope that by me sharing a glimpse
of my experiences and my feelings I can inspire others to hold onto hope. Turn
to God, have faith in his plan, believe that everything will work out…and if it
doesn’t work out the way you want, don’t give up…continue believing, continue
hoping, continuing praying…I promise you that God will never leave you alone. I
promise.
